Where to begin?

I fear I may be taking this adorable travelogue down a dark, dark path.

Yes, Marie Antoinette is holding a giant bottle of placenta. No, it is not a mistranslation, they are actually selling placenta. Yes, I stood in the middle of Shibuya train station, one of Tokyo’s busiest, trying to wrap my head around the ad. No, you aren’t supposed to apply it to your skin so you will look younger. Yes, you are supposed to drink it, “it” being the placenta, an actual placenta being sold for human consumption, so your skin will look younger. No, if you send me $60 and your address, I will not walk out to my local health food store and buy you placenta and mail it to your house. Just kidding, yes, I will do that for you.

Perhaps there are additional questions? To be honest, I really don’t have too many answers, so let’s turn to the Web site of the good folks at Placenta-Pro, makers of “the world’s long awaited placenta elixir with 30,000 mg of ‘Horse-origin:'”

Q: So….

A: “Those who pursue health and beauty throughout the world have overwhelmingly praised the placenta.”

Q: What?

A: “Particularly because it is in a drinkable form, the fresh placenta components are easily absorbed and condition both body and skin health from within.”

Q: Right, but…

A: “PLACENTA-PRO 30,000 contains an extravagant 30,000 mg of 100% pure horse placenta extract.”

Q:  Everyone knows pig placenta is the way to go for softer skin. Are you trying to pull one one me?

A: “The fact that horses have high temperatures and delicate constitutions alleviates any concern about viruses or germs.”

Q: Oh, well that makes sense. I guess it’s true what they say. You can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s afterbirth ear. Where do placentas come from?

A: “Placentas come from horses raised in an excellent Kyrgyz environment.”

Q: I’m going to stop you right there.

A: “Guided by the government of the Kyrgyz Republic — contracts are drawn up with carefully selected farms in the rich natural surroundings for our supply of exceedingly nutrient-rich horse placentas.”

Q: We’re done here.

[There is a need for a few editor’s notes: 1) Placenta-Pro is not the maker of “The Placenta.” The Placenta might actually be made from pig-origin. I’m sorry to deceive. 2) I’m not making fun of another culture. I’m making fun of quacks. 3) A quick search of the Internet will show plenty of people have already addressed the great placenta debate. 4) Placenta-Pro 30,000 comes in orange.]